


What Hurts The Most

by Daydreaming_Angel



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-03 00:44:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10956174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daydreaming_Angel/pseuds/Daydreaming_Angel
Summary: The Doctor has lost everyone he loves





	What Hurts The Most

**Author's Note:**

> For whatever reason, I can only write angsty song fics. I'm not sure why that is, but my hope is that by posting this I will be encouraged to write and post more. This is very un-edited, because if I spend any more time on it I will talk myself out of posting. 
> 
> Usual disclaimers- I own Ducky (my car) and a cracked iPhone. That's it. BBC owns Doctor Who and all characters associated. Rascal Flatts own the song.
> 
> If it's in italics it's a quote from the show. Centred is lyrics. Show quotes come from Journey's End and The Satan Pit.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house.  
That don’t bother me.  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let ‘em out  
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while  
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m OK  
But that’s not what gets me

_“Yeah, and how was that sentence going to end?”_

The doors of the TARDIS closed behind him, and the Doctor went through the motions of sending her into the vortex. His normal exuberant dance was subdued, the movements jerky. His converse sneakers squeaked on the floor and rain water dripped off his suit, forming small puddles when he stood too long. After completing the task, he sat in jumpseat rubbing his hands over his face and staring blankly at the console room. A few hours ago it had been filled with his family- Sarah Jane, Martha, Jack, even Mickey. But the worst pain was from losing Donna and Rose- especially Rose.

He had lost his best friend and the love of his life in a moment. He was alone now. With only the doubts and memories in his head. 

The TARDIS flashed her lights, reminding him that wasn’t entirely true. Smiling a sad smile, he shook his head “I’ll always have you, right ol’ girl?” Standing up, he trailed his fingers around the console as he walked towards his room. 

What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
Having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
Not seein’ that lovin’ you  
Is what I was trying to do

__

_"Does it need saying?”_

Freshly showered, the Doctor slowly entered Rose’s room. He hadn’t been in there since the first time he lost her to the parallel world. But now he couldn’t keep himself away. His eyes took in everything, from the messy bed, clothes on the floor and make-up on the dresser. He could still smell her perfume in the air, and wondered if it would always be there. Lingering like a ghost.

If he was a human, he would be sure he was having a heart attack. The pain in his chest was nearly unbearable. Sinking to his knees, he buried his face in her comforter and began sobbing. 

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losin you everywhere I go  
But I’m doing it  
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone  
Still harder gettin’ up, gettin’ dressed, livin’ with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken

__

_"And you, Doctor? What was the end of that sentence?”_

He knew that letting her go was the right thing- for both of them. 

Now, in his mind and heart they would always be together. No matter how many years passed, how many bodies he went through- he would always know that his pink and yellow girl was with him. 

Standing, he took one last look at the room around him. Wiping the tears from his eyes, he whispered to the empty space, “Rose Tyler, I love you.” Leaving he pressed his palm and forehead against the closed door, sending a silent request for it to be hidden from him. He heard the sad chime of the TARDIS in his head, and found himself staring at a blank wall. Somehow he knew that if he stared hard enough, he would see a rose etched into the smooth surface. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he walked to the console room. He was determined to live a life that she would have been proud of. 

_"The Doctor in the TARDIS with Rose Tyler, just as it should be.”_

What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
Having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
Not seein’ that lovin’ you  
Is what I was trying to do

In another world, the pink and yellow girl clutched the hand of the man in blue, and sobbed, broken hearted for the lonely man with two hearts. 

_"I’ve seen a lot of this universe. I’ve seen fake gods and bad gods and demi-gods and would-be gods. I’ve had the whole pantheon. But if I believe in one thing- just one thing- I believe in her!”_


End file.
